Kind and Strong

I like the tough-minded, no nonsense, smart woman. She gets things done. She tells it like she sees it. She can help you move mountains when necessary, and there may be times when you are one of those mountains. During these moments, you might even feel like you’ve been run over by a truck after an encounter with her. But take heart, you will live to see another day after you recover.

If you’ve got one of these women in your life, of this I am certain: she has got your back.

And if she lives her life for Jesus and prays for you, she is a warrior saint.

She may deliver correction with a severity that in the moment can be painful or leave you wanting to verbally slap her back. But don’t do it, and please don’t miss this. That correction may at its heart reflect a biblical faithfulness, and a generous kindness that is willing to risk the relationship for your ultimate good. Proverbs 27:6 teaches that “wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Now, please remember that the book of Proverbs is for guidance and wisdom; these timeless adages are not commands. Please do not use this particular verse to justify jerkish, self-serving, and unloving behavior. This is destructive to relationships with others and just plain wrong.

Biblical correction (or rebuke) is all in the delivery, the nature of the relationship, and the goal in correcting someone.  It always starts with prayer.

If upon reflection, the correction ultimately brings me closer to God, or brings about a needed change in my character or in my relationships with others, then I can know it is from God, and not necessarily driven by a bad mood or the other person’s issues. The goal in biblical correction must always have the ultimate good of the other person in mind as well as the future health of the relationship. A well-delivered correction offers an opportunity to grow in godly character, and here’s a pro tip: There is always room for that kind of growth so welcome and embrace it (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Being a tough-minded, no nonsense, smart woman myself, I have had the honor of being on both sides of this correction equation. Don’t get me wrong. No matter which side of this you are on, this is hard stuff. Sometimes the person receiving this news simply shuts down and stops listening. Sometimes their eyes glare in your direction, and they start to vomit all over you. I’ve even had a really good friend let me know that she might not talk to me for a space of time while she processed the bad news (true story!). I have always deeply respected her forthrightness and how well she communicates her boundaries. We are still friends today.

Remember Mary Poppins pointed out that bad news like this goes down better with a spoonful of sugar…ok, maybe it might be better for our waistlines to be more specific in explaining this concept: Offer biblical correction prayerfully with love and humility, in full awareness of our own sinful nature, and in reverence for Christ. Always, always, always seek understanding and be willing to listen even if their response blindsides you with some unwelcome truths; there might be something you are contributing to the issue as well.

For my part, I am grateful for the friends who have lovingly corrected me, and I am grateful for the friends who have humbly accepted my poorly delivered correction. Some even still talk to me. Really, thank you. Because otherwise I’d have to spend a lot of time and energy trying to find someone who actually likes me enough to consider doing fun stuff together.

Besides, do we really want to keep walking around with that log in our eye (cf: Luke 6:37-42; Matthew 7:1-5)? The warning of “judge not” in these passages is not a command to stop judging others as is often misunderstood. Rather, the context is a command for the believer to judge justly and rightly according to God’s standards, not our own, and in full view of our own sinfulness and need for forgiveness.

This demonstrates the necessity for objective truth which can only be found in the Bible for it is the inspired word of God (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Only God’s hand could have assembled such a clear, cohesive, and loving message in sixty-six separate books written by multiple authors over such a great span of time. God is the only One who is good and judges justly and mercifully.

If we can’t agree on the standard of measurement in our disagreements, we will never agree on the application and will continue to bicker over hurt feelings, misunderstandings and distractions designed to divide us. There is grace, mercy, and forgiveness available to guide us in those difficult relationships. We just need to ask for it in prayer and seek wisdom and discernment in God’s word and from other believers.

So today, I ask you to consider putting your arms down in whatever relationship you are struggling in and more fully accepting Jesus’ gracious offer of forgiveness and salvation by steadfastly living out your faith. All He is asking you to do is to resign as commander-in-chief of your life (and your relationships) and turn to Him in belief. He has assured us there is no other way.

Heavenly Father, I pray this evening for those who are seeking Your hand in their lives, that they would humbly accept correction and prayerfully sit with feedback that seems misplaced, ill-timed, or unfair in order to listen for Your voice, remembering they are deeply and intimately loved by the God of the universe.  Help them to respond truthfully and humbly, in a manner that honors their relationship with You. Father, You alone are good and in control in all these things. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Peace. Alison

Photo credit: Jacob Wackerhausen on istock.com